New Beginnings and Ugly Truths

As a select few of you know, I have moved away from New Mexico and I am living in Kansas....
It's no secret but I did wish to be the one telling the story instead of others telling it for me.
Another part to the story is this.....
I have both of my children living with me.  Zach is 19 now and is fast approaching man/adulthood and leaving me in the dust!  :)  Taylor is 15 now and in the eyes of the State of Kansas, she is old enough to learn to drive...God help us all!  :)

There are ugly truths that need to be addressed and are as follows:  Noah and I are no longer TOGETHER....have been divorced since March of 2012.  I left him in June of 2011 and we have not lived together since.
Noah left the majority of his possessions and belongings, packed a little Ford Escort and moved to Kingsport, Tennessee.  The last information I got was in April which I heard that he had given up being a mechanic and became a biscuit maker at Hardee's.  If you want to stop in and see him, look for him at the Stone Drive store there...If you want to see his girlfriend, you can head over to Burger King and look for her there...

Another ugly truth about this:  Noah agreed to pay child support in our divorce papers but has not done so....At $500/month, the amounts are growing everyday.....as well as the anger and disappointment from his kids regarding his behavior.  As of this date, he is behind $8500 and judging from the last message I got from him, he won't be sending any money for Taylor any time soon....

Another ugly truth:  He has not spoken to Taylor since March of 2013....no card, no phone call for her birthday...just a text at 2130hrs that night....

Another truth:  Noah has not talked with Zach since April 2013....again, no card or phone call for his birthday either....

As far as I can tell, some of my family members blame ME for the shape I am in...the moving, the kids not having their dad in their lives and the divorce.  I was even told by my aunt and "uncle" that I was the direct cause of the recklessness of my children, even though I did not give them tobacco or be deceitful in order to gain sympathy or money, yet I am a BAD person...

My own mother is another ugly truth.....She will not call me, message me on Facebook, or anything of that nature.  She seems to have taken Noah's side....even going as far as asking him how the kids are when he hasn't seen, talked, or heard from them....It was me and me alone that took kids to the hospital and sat beside them while they had pain....It was me and you know what?  I don't regret one single minute...I can say that I drank up every minute with them and that is something that you can't take away from me.

With all this being said....it now comes to be my turn...I guess this is my time to grieve...but I am not sure what I am grieving about....Am I sad that I lost my husband of 19 years?  I don't think so...  He was not the man I thought he was and I have come to realize that I didn't love him or he loved me.  I mean...do I really want to believe that he loved me when he confided in our son that he cheated?  Multiple times?

Am I sad over this loss?  I have to be honest....yes I am.  I am sad about the loss of many things since I left him...I am sad over the loss of some of my family...(some I have to say good F-N riddance) and some of those family members I am sorry to see go.  I understand your position.  I am sorry that some friends have decided to move on....but there is always room for more.   Lastly, I am sad that the image of my home and family as a whole has changed over the past 2 years.  There were A LOT of rough spots, but I have to say that since it has changed, it has become better...fuller...stronger and there is more love between us....Zach, Taylor and Me....than there EVER was when Noah was in the picture....

In closing....this is the beginning post of my blog....this is my blog...a small look in to the soul of my life and my thoughts....This will be the last time I ever mention Noah's name...(negative people have GOT TO GO!) In bearing my soul....it is my hope that the UGLY TRUTHS will continue to matter less and less...until they are no more....

Stay tuned to more crazy thoughts from this lost southerner.